Limiting beliefs. Those stories we tell ourselves that we cannot do something or people wont like us if we show up authentically. But what proof outside the stories we tell ourselves that this is actually true? Where did these beliefs come from that prevent us from showing up authentically and doing what we actually want to do?
More often then we care to admit is that these beliefs were born when we were kids. They were probably true back then and have stuck with us for most of our lives. Why? Because we didn't have any reason not to believe otherwise. We weren't given proof that our limiting beliefs were not actual fact.
Tell Me.
It's funny how people love labelling things, as if it gives us some sense of order in chaos. Most of my life I was brought up with the mindset that self-sacrifice is done for the greater good, that it's more noble to place others before oneself. The comic book heroes did this, as did our first responders sometimes to the point they sacrificed their own lives so that others could survive. It was considered the highest honor to do so. But this mindset trickled down to other parts in life. Yeah, stop me if this sounds familiar, but this type of thinking gave birth to the limiting belief that "if you don't make others happy, you are not considered worthy" and soon it developed into a way of life most people would label as "people pleasing". It was a need to be accepted and this was the only way to do so-to give up personal boundaries in order to make others happy and feel accepted.
Deep down we have a gut feeling that lets us know when things aren't what they should be and just "don't feel right". We ignore them because we have bought into our beliefs so much that there can't be any other perspective.
But engaging in people pleasing just to be accepted because the belief is one isn't worthy unless doing so isn't the only limiting belief out there. John Kenny (The Relationship Guy and top Google search) listed ten of the most common limiting beliefs:
Any of these sound familiar? But here's the thing...
Show Me.
Ask yourself this one question regarding your limiting beliefs: "Where's the proof?"
In College when we write term papers, we are asked to give proof of our thoughts and opinions, usually by citing some credible source. Who's to say life is different? Take a limiting belief and ask for proof that the belief is true.
For people pleasers (much like myself) if I choose to not provide something someone wanted because it feels right in doing so, do I have proof that I'm less likeable/lovable?
Is there proof we cannot do something we want to do (This might be the exception especially if we don't have the knowledge or the skill to do it...but it lets us know this is just a temporary lack and we can fix it by getting that knowledge or those skills!)
It's a liberating perspective when we ask ourselves for proof regarding our limiting beliefs. If we cannot produce our own proof, how can those beliefs be true?
Here's the challenge: Get a limiting belief and ask yourself what proof you have that these beliefs are truth, and then ask yourself what proof you have that this belief is untrue or what evidence there is to support the opposite of that belief, and take note of how you feel after this discovery. Chances are you'll definitely be more enlightened and may even feel as if a weight has lifted off your shoulders.
I hope this helps you open the doors to more possibilities and a more fulfilling life. Life wants us to live congruent (in harmony with) our thoughts, and if we believe anything is possible then our actions will eventually align with our thoughts. Our self-fulfilling prophecy if you will.
George Michael knew what he was talking about in the eighties with his T-Shirt: "Choose Life". It may have had a different meaning back then but I like to think it's open to interpretation today, and today it means to choose a fulfilling life because nothing holds us back! Believe in that. If you don't believe it, then show me proof.
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